well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she smelled like a LAN party
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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