I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
