Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
