Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
