I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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