Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
