I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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