my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
