Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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