He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
