Yo dont text me then not text me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
