Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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