I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
