Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
