tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
