is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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