We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
