Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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