I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
