When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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