Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
