i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
