ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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