Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
