Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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