Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
