I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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