Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
