The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
