I got chris browned last night
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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