Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
