Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She said her name was "party"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
