Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize