I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
