I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
