I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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