Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
