dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
