don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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