she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
