After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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