Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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