You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
