made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
