Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
