So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
