Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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