Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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