so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
