i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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