I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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