it wasn't lemon gatorade
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
