Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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