Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
