I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize