i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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