I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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