since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's the barista slut.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
