I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
