yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
