id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
