He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
