I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
