youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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