My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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