this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
