dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
