If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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