Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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