Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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