if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
