We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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