dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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