Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
