he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
