i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
