I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
