He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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