Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
